Is there a difference between being coached by a man or a woman?

01 Jun 2009

When we consider the stereotype differences between men and women then we might expect similar differences to exist between the experience of being coached by a person of one gender as opposed to another. If we take the stylised view of the dominant, aggressive, controlling alpha male and compare it to that of the meaker, gentler, nurturing female then we could anticipate that there could be a significant difference.
I think that we can readily discount these biologically derived stereotypes, which are extreme examples of gender differences and which describe behavioural characteristics which are not significant in the coaching process.
As a male coach I cannot speak about how it may feel to be a female coach but I have been coached by both males and females and I trained both genders to become coaches. I have also coached a number of women in Organisations and the ratio of men to women coachees for me is approximately 2:1.
Very few of the people that I have coached have ever volunteered a comment about the gender of their coach - it has not been significant to them. When I have ever asked them about this gender aspect they have commented that it is the person, personality, style and trust element that are much more important to them than my gender. Now I do appreciate that the relationship established between coach and coachee is all important and that this can be influenced by gender aspects so I am very careful about the language and approach that I take when coaching women. They do need to feel comfortable, confident and relaxed about me as a coach and not threatend in any way by my gender. They need to be able to trust me and not to be distracted or concerned about any gender distractions so I work to maintain a neutral, non-judgemental stance - but I do this with men or with women.
I do understand that some men and some women may well prefer to be coached by a person of the same or opposite gender and that this may be part of their selection criteria in the first place. Curiously this factor seems to be more important in the minds of the sponsors of the coaching than in the minds of the coachees. So there are some people who will select to be coached by a coach with a specific gender and it is this group of women that I do not have any experience of coaching.
In conclusion and in my experience it is the set of skills that a coach employs e g empathy, listening, questioning, supporting, challenging which produce an effective coach rather than their gender.