Can you coach a close friend or relative effectively?

10 Nov 2008

This is a tricky question that needs some careful consideration. If we look at some of the key characteristics that make for a good coaching relationship then there are some pros and cons.
Taking trust first then, taken at face value, this will probably not be a problem on the assumption that a high level of trust would probably exist between you both in the first place, but we should not take this for granted. The trust that exists between close friends or relatives has a slightly different feel to it than that which exists and emerges between coach and coachee. It has different elements of loyalty and history that do not exist with a coach and coachee who meet for primarily to do this coaching work. This trust will be stretched by other considerations such as confidentiality where by we could be pulled by our loyalties to other friends or relations who want to know what is going on or being discussed within these coaching sessions.
Our commitment to each other within the coaching relationship can be complicated or stretched for both the coach and coachee. No doubt we are committed and loyal to each other as friends or family relatives, but how much is this affected by this new coaching work? How committed will the coachee be to being coached by us and how might they think or feel that it will affect the existing personal relationship?
How objective can we now be when coaching someone who we have known so well as friends or relations for a number of years? By definition we cannot avoid having an element of subjectivity about our previous experience of each other - which we would have to carefully consider when entering into a coaching relationship. How truly opne and honest will they and we feel that we can be with each other?One aspect which could be affected as a coach could be in the area of support and challenge. Might we be too supportive, sympathetic and desparate for coaching success on the one hand and not challenging and confronting enough of their issues on the other?
We may also be too keen to see quick progress and success being achieved by the coachee and how will we feel if this doesn't happen? Where will it leave the relationship if our intervention is not successful, for either party?
Following the normal coaching process or technique that brings success may also be important. There may be a tendency to short circuit it because of familiarity but we should be careful not to do this to the detriment of overall success.
So having looked at the pros and cons of coaching a close friend or relative I think that there are a number of factors that argue against it and the question is less about whether we COULD rather than whether we SHOULD.